In a blurry daze...

For a moment now, I sit in front of the PC with a blank stare at the blogger template, lots of images and thoughts clouding my mind, but I couldn't construct anything vivid.

I've really been quite an emotional wreck lately. Apart from crying at the very 1st tune of the song "Qiang Qiang" (if you hadn't noticed, I'd removed the auto-play function in the video here before I had to see an optometrist.), I keep imagining what's going to happen to Cheery when she passes on and what's going to be left of me, other than crying my heart out everyday.

And there's always the love-hate relationship I have towards my job.

I really love the friendship and bond I've built with people in the company, it always feels like one big extended family (since I'm working in one of the biggest organisation in Singapore island), but I also dislike some of the processes and systems, basically how things are being done sometimes.

Not to mention how much I loathe the politics going around.

It's been especially difficult at work in the last few months - eshop project is not materialising, targets are skyrocketing, endless meetings are not realising any conclusions, and I can feel my energy slowly but surely sipping out of me, and morale taking a nose dive.

Alarmingly, I start to worry what all my staff could also be going through if this is the way I feel.

What would a good leader do at this point? But do I even want to lead now, I can't help but feel so drained.

I've got to lead, I've got to motivate, I've got to inspire, I've got to plan, I've got to stay focus, I've got to be objective, I've got to perform, I've got to produce results, I've got to...

Life's got many "I've got tos..."

Is there even an end to it at all?